| 10. | The costumes are functional and fireproofed, not something silly made of silver lamé, by a brocade addict. |
| 9. | Forget wimpy knives, how about a 2 hp, 14" diameter abrasive cutoff saw that could take off a leg in two seconds. Instead of a one handed tenderizing mallet, try a 5 kg sledge on a 1 meter handle. |
| 8. | The ingredients supply weighs 800 tons, and covers half an acre. |
| 7. | Your torch isn't some wimpy hand held thing, only suitable for browning brulé, its got a 6 tank gas manifold, and an oxygen tank as tall as you are. |
| 6. | The fire extinguisher is a "how many times" not an "just in case" |
| 5. | Your ingredients don't try to run away. They may take a crane to move, and might try to crush you however. |
| 4. | No giggly, squeaky voiced actress only there to be decorative. The co-host has a Ph.D., and created the show. |
| 3. |
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| 2. | You aren't judged on beauty of presentation. Ugly, and menacing looking are desirable attributes. |
| 1. | Your fate is decided by the laws of physics, not the whims of a fortune teller turned food writer. |
For UK visitors: Iron Chef is a Japanese cookery show. A professional chef is pitted against one of the "house" chefs. They get a mystery ingredient (in the case of seafood, often still live), and one hour to cook a gourmet meal from it, which is then scored by a panel of judges. While the idea is an interesting one, what makes the show (and makes it funny) is the sports match like commentary, complete with a pair of announcers in the booth, and a fast talking color commentator on the field. For those who have yet to see Kitchen Stadium, I suggest two fan sites, Iron Chef and Iron Chef USA